THE REAL SCORE ON CHURCH WEDDINGS

When we were young a cousin of mine wanted to get married on a Sunday church wedding, full of guests and have a grand reception with of course a very exotic honeymoon trip. After so many years, I was shocked with the news that she was getting married right then and there. Now she wanted to get married as soon as possible – no church wedding, no guests, no reception and no more honeymoon. It was a quick decision after she discovered that she was three months pregnant. And I was even more shocked about the pregnancy-issue. Well, years of having no communication, things must have changed. She used to be the most reserved person I’ve known. She wouldn’t go out and play with us – running in the rain, riding bikes and climbing hills. She’d rather do the cross-stitching and knitting then play syatong with us. She wouldn’t even talk to her neighbors, except when she was asked. We jokingly assumed what her future would be. She would be the kindest nun, and the church would get more rich with her angelic face for donors would flood in the parish or a telephone operator, since she only talked when she was asked. And I was astonished with the thought that my cousin was getting married in a week. She must have changed after all. I wondered who’s the father of that child. Her mother said she stopped schooling and rather worked in a factory, where her mother was working there too. But in a month, my cousin resigned and wanted to go back to school. So her mother sent her to Davao City and stayed with my other aunt. But after a semester, she’d asked her mother to let her work again in Davao. And I don’t know how much consideration did my aunt had to give when her daughter was totally lost with her life. Funny, but when we were young, she was the only child who’s future was clear, unlike us – kids with no direction, that time. And now, I know it would be unfair to judge her easily. But whatever her reasons were let her keep it for herself. 

I wondered what happened to her dreams about church weddings and stuff.  Well, it was too perfect to imagine. Like in movies or even in real life, church weddings were always the most beautiful event. It celebrated two people taking their vows and making their dreams to spend a lifetime together. It was also the most dramatic event for the groom and the bride and even the invited family and friends and for the gatecrashers, too ( the EXs and the like).  But all in all, the wedding would turn out to be fine and the guests would go home happy and full. And some went home carrying plastic bags containing the paid catered food. And that was it all about wedding. And after a year or so, the couple would separate and the marriage would be annulled. Now, that’s what they get after paying an expensive wedding. End of the story.

But really, were weddings are always about happiness? Was it an easy thing as 1-2-3? If I wanted to get married, especially in our country, can I be married then and then? I don’t think so. Reality check. My mom worked in the municipal civil registrar in our town and she knew how was the marriage-thing was done. And I knew too, I worked there during summers (with pay of course!) and I witnessed all the complicated papers that needed to be filled-up.

Marriage contract was the most legal document being used aside from the birth certificate. In claiming benefits from insurances, a spouse beneficiary needed proof that he or she was the legal spouse by showing the marriage contract.

How can the couple get a marriage contract? If a couple wanted to get married in a church wedding, it was always a must that both of their parents were also married in a church wedding. Next, the couple must go to the Civil Registrar’s Office and comply the following requirements: a family planning seminar, depending on the schedule and a two-day PRECANA seminar. Couples must also present their birth certificate, baptisimal certificate, confirmation certificate and GKK ( Ginagmayng Kristohanong Katilingban) certificate. Then, there would be a 10-day posting period, where the names of the couple were posted outside the office. After ten days, the wedding license would be released. The marriage contract document would be signed during the ceremony.

The fact here was that, church weddings weren’t really easy. Talking not just about the financial aspect but for the time it consumed in preparing for the documents and waiting for the license to be released. It was really not that exciting as what we have seen in movies. In reality, nakakawalang-gana.  But then again, if couples were determined to be married and have their church wedding come true, then they have to undergo such effort-demanding procedure. And as for my cousin, it didn’t matter whether it was a church wedding or not, as long as her baby has a father. That’s all it mattered to her. [shiella a. ildefonso]