Duhaylungsod, JC

4 BAE

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It was just another ordinary day if only I woke up at the right place and at the right body.

Early that morning, it was still 8:00am, I had a terrible urge to get up because my kidneys wanted to be unloaded. My body felt surprisingly heavy and I was wondering why the hell I was having a head ache. It seemed that I just swam in a pool full of beer last night and swallowed everything inside it because I always feel like this every morning when I just had a drink the night before.

The problem was, I did not drink last night. I stood up and went to the comfort room. I was about to go to the cabinet for a towel when I realized that my cabinet was not in its place. It was already at the other side of the room. Another problem was that it was not my cabinet. And only then did I realize that I was not at my room. But the room was familiar. Not that I had already been in to it. I was thinking that it looked like… a room in the Manoa Apartment which was an apartment next to my boarding house. Now, how the hell did I get here?

I looked around and on the bed was a naked body of a woman with her back against me. The lower half of her body was covered with a blanket, with another person’s blanket. Her hair was long and she had freckles on her back. She was definitely not my girlfriend. I was astounded that I suddenly became horny and was extremely horrified to see that I had an erection. The last time I checked my body out, that was last night when I changed my clothes, I still had a pussy. And pussies do not and cannot have an erection. I ran to the CR and saw for myself the most terrible experience that could occur in a person’s life: to be in James Paclibar’s body.

I did not wait for whoever-that-girl-is to wake up. I hurriedly took a bath – it was creepy I was seeing his penis (it was really small just what a friend told me when she recounted an “experience” with him) – and put on his clothes: I looked up for clothes that would fit my taste expecting that he had one and realized that we do not have the same preference for clothing. So I ended up wearing his jeans (maong na medyo fitting) and his shirt (black na medyo alanganing loose). I looked around for shoes but there was none. I stood in front of the mirror and suddenly felt how miserable it was to be literally in his place every morning, with a mirror to remind him how he looks like every time he dresses up for school. Does he have enough courage to look at his reflection every morning? Beats me! But if I continue to be in his place, I wouldn’t have.

It was a good thing that when whoever-that-girl-is woke up, I was already ready to go out and leave the room.

“Asa man ka?” she asked. But I just went out without answering. I brought his cell phone and his wallet along with me. The good thing about being James is that I would not have to worry about what to spend for the day. I heard from someone that he always have money.

I went directly to my boarding house. If I was at James’ body, it could be that, he was in mine. Where the hell would his soul go if I was placed inside his body? Mine! And god-knows-what he would do with it. I was surprised to see that a crowd had gathered just outside my boarding house. Alexis, who was my board mate and James’ brod, was outside waiting for a habal-habal.

“Mes, adto na ka ug UP?” Alexis asked James/me.

Now, how does James inter-act with his brods? In the atrium, where they usually congregate, he would throw a punch line regarding something he saw (a fashion disaster or a rumored easy-to-get-girl, or just the ordinary “gay” men in the campus) or heard or experienced the night or days before. Everybody would listen attentively to him, and then afterwards, they would all roar out with laughter. But in times like this, he would not, or any other person, make a punch line out of that simple question. Maybe I would just answer him straight.

“O, admin ko. Ikaw?”

“Sige, sabay na lang ta,” Alexis answered.

While in the habal-habal, I asked Alexis what was happening in their boarding house, in my boarding house.

“Ay, naa man gud mi boardmate na wala ka mata. Mura daw ug na comma,” he answered.

I was completely relieved by what I’ve heard. At least he will not be able to do anything with my body and with my girlfriend.

“Mes, asa day mo ato gabii?” the habal-habal driver asked.

“Hoy, Mes, gipangutana ka sa driver,” Alexis informed me. I have really forgotten that I was in James’ body.

“Uhmm…,” where does James, the overlord of all chauvinist dragons in UP Mindanao would spend his Sunday night?

“Naa man kay kauban. Chiks to nimo? Hamisa ato uy!” the habal-habal driver asked.

Maybe James was with whoever-that-girl-is last night. Now, how does the overlord of all chauvinist dragons in UP Mindanao would react with that kind of statement, which for me, is a very derogatory term used to refer to a woman. How would James see or understand that kind of statement referring to his girlfriend? Will he be a perfect gentleman and just pass the question off without answering it, in respect to his girlfriend?

But he’s a chauvinist dragon, right? Will he tell the habal-habal driver that they fucked each other last night? What word will he use? - iyot, romansa, lolo, made love, fucked –

“Naunsa man ka Mes na wala man ka katubag?” and then the habal-habal driver laughed.

“Lain akong paminaw ron bay,” I answered thinking that it would divert his attention to another topic, let us say, about my/James’ health.

“Hahahaha! Ikaw jud dong, hinay-hinay lang,” the driver gave a green connotation to a very innocent statement that I carelessly muttered.

It was a good thing that we already reached the Admin and I have gotten rid of that conversation with the driver.

When I was nearing the Admin, somebody from behind called me, and when I turned my head to see who it was, I realized that it was AJ, another of his brods. He invited me/James for a computer game, which he said that I/James promised the day before.

Putang ina, unsaon man ni pagdula ning animala ni!

I muttered to myself while I watched the screen of the computer displayed a match between two rugged looking men.

I cussed and ranted but to no avail, I just sucked up, together with my computer image and James.

“Na-unsa man ka Mes?” asked AJ.

“Lain akong paminaw,” I answered, still feeling uncanny hearing my voice sound so awful. “Adto sa ko ug Admin, magklase,” I continued to get away from playing with the computer.

Then AJ laughed at me. And then I gave him a questioning looked.

“Nag LOA man ka Mes,” and then he snickered. “Natingala gani ko nganong naa ka diri,” he continued.

“Asa man day ko dapat karon,” I asked him.

“Ambot nimo uy!”

I asked myself where would a chauvinist, super senior dragon like James, would stay during a week day? How will I spend the day being in James’ body? No, the proper question would be, how does James spend his day? Well, maybe like all of the other chauvinist dragons in the world.

The problem is, though I know how a chauvinist dragon usually act – be very arrogant when “chicks” are around, always think about how it would be like fucking them, add words in their Chauvinist Dragon Derogatory Words Dictionary, squeal about their own one night stands and sexcapades to their fellow chauvinist dragons, etc – I was really not sure if I can manage to be like that for a day, even if, given the circumstance that I am in the body of one.