by Michael N.R. Bonghanoy
WHEN THE WEATHER GIRLS SANG “It’s raining men! Allelujah! It’s raining men! Amen!” back in 1983, many women flocked to the streets just about half past ten to witness for the first time in history the raining of men. Every Specimen! Tall, blonde, dark and lean / Rough and tough and strong and mean. So many women went out of their houses so that each and every woman could find her perfect guy. Obese women who has difficulty finding the right men their size, old women with saggy breast and dead lovers, ugly women too hideous to marry, women trapped in men’s bodies, disgrunted mistresses with tiny-dicked lovers, dry nuns, prostitutes, etc. In closed quarters, the feminists were arguing among themselves how to address this crisis. The lesbians were also contemplating the effect of this meteorological phenomenon while the butches were readying their motorcycles to run over the men who will steal their girlfriends.
And so it happened, Mother Nature took off to heaven and did what she had to do / She taught every angel to rearrange the sky / So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy. And they began to fall. One by one. The women gathered in the streets exclaimed: Allelujah! Amen! But oh, Mother Nature should burn in hell for the sin of omission. She forgot the law of gravity. A 300-pound man fell so fast he crushed an old matron in a cane, a bulimic model, and a slightly overweight virgin (there were no known survivors). Then old and toothless men fell on top of a group of prostitutes (three died of hemorrhage while four suffered a severe concussion). A few men with free wheelchairs fell and injured many. There ensued a general panic as muscled men, skinny men, tall men, blonde men, dark men, rough men, tough men and other kinds of men fell. Many fell over the sea and drowned. Many fell on roofs and destroyed property. Many fell on the streets and crushed their bones and skulls on the pavement. And many fell, piled on top of women and killed them.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: (1) The law of gravity applies to all. (2) Never trust Mother Nature. (3) When men start falling from the sky, run for cover. (4) Don’t expect men falling from the sky to be alive and kicking when they hit the ground. Amen!
